pots (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome) has become a big part of my life. now this is a very unclear and unsettling diagnosis, but it is the best the doctors can give me after almost eight months of constant pain and doctors appointments. it has become the center of my focus when going through everyday life. trying to figure out what i can and cannot do. i have to think through the little things in my life now. i have to think if i am feeling well enough to walk up the stairs without near passing out, if i can make it through a basketball training session without passing out, or even if i can drive without getting blurry vision.
these past eight months have been brutally prolonged and have been some of the most distressing months of my life. i have not been able to be a normal sixteen year old girl. for instance, one time i was at my friend’s house just hanging out. it was in january and the roads had iced over a bit so my dad drove me there. even though i have my license he still wouldn’t let me drive because he was worried about the roads. i was upset, but i got over it because i just wanted to be with my friends. i was only at my friend’s house for about thirty minutes before i began to feel uneasy. my head started pounding, my hands shaking, and my vision began to decrease. i ended up calling my dad to come pick me up and while i was walking out to his car my legs completely gave out and he had to catch me from falling on the concrete. yes, this was right in front of about eight of my closest friends. how embarrassing. but i began to think about this experience in a different way now that it has come and gone.
let’s think about my dad as our Heavenly Father and me as, well all of us, as humans. when we are going through every day life we tend to think we can do things on our own. we think that we can drive on the roads which may have been slightly icy, and maybe you could have. but you can’t see all that is happening around you. you don’t know that you will almost be passing out an hour later. your Heavenly Father was really just protecting you, not from the roads but from other things that you didn’t even know were a possibility. if i would have driven to my friends house i would have tried to drive home when i began to feel sick. i would have been driving feeling extremely faint and with loss of vision. my point is, God sees more than we do. He is all knowing and if he takes things from your life it is for a good reason. even if he gives you things that you may not have asked for, say a sickness, know he sees the big picture.
In their hearts humans plan their course,
but the Lord establishes their steps.
we may have our heart set on something that we THINK we want to do, but the truth is the Lord is looking out for our best interests. He is not going to lead us astray. everything that the Lord does is for our good and His glory. we need to trust that the Lord has a perfect plan for us. know the road may be hard and you may have to deal with things that in the beginning may feel unbearable, but the Lord is with you. He is your strength, without Him you can do nothing. make Him your cornerstone and you will live a life pleasing to Him.